What a problem!

A young couple got married and they were getting ready for sex. But a problem arose with the husband. He was having a problem with his "thing" which was not getting erect. Everytime they tried,the sex session failed for the husband. So he talked about the problem with his friend and his friend gave him an idea. His friend told him to go the very top of a tree of a certain forest where the Guru-of-all-solutions lives. So he did what his friend told him to do. The forest was a hard place to visit. He found the tree and it was really long. He got a nice rope like thing and grabbed it and started to climb. He climbed and climbed until he found the Guru aka Guru-of-all-solutions. He told everything about his problem to the Guru.
"Well, I have a solution for that." said the Guru
"What is it?" said the excited husband
"You have to say clearly and loudly "Om" three times and your possession will erect about an inch" said the Guru
"Will that really help, Guruji?" said the husband
"Ofcouse. I am doing it everytime." said the Guru
"But where is your one?" said the husband
"Why, you've climbed up with that young man." finished the Guru

The Spirit of Beethoven

Years passed after his death, musicians came and passed away,but his name still shines in the spotlight. On one very windy and cold day, his spirit rose."Yawn. I've woken up after..." said the spirit stretching as he looked at his tombstone."Well, it has been almost 179 years since my death". The spirit went first to his homeland,Bonn. Nearby was a pub and the spirit entered there. Loud drums were being kicked and beaten. The drum 'kick' became swingy."There is a patient, I think. But how did the doctors manage to make the heartbeat sound louder?" said the spirit to itself. Tang! Bang! The spirit ducked its head down onto the floor."What in the world? Someone is shooting right infront of them but they are still alive and...dancing!"said the spirit as the snare became even more louder. Then a man came and started to rap with the rhythm. "What is he saying? Oh I see, he is announcing something." said the spirit. The man began to spill out the slangs in the rap loudly while pointing his middle finger. With all that shouting and noise, the spirit fainted. The angels came and took him again and modified his tombstone. It now read: "Ludwig van Beethoven. Redied 2005"